names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just pee around me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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