His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
