You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope mine doesn't look like that
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
