i think my tv is drunk
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
