I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
