whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
