I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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