so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love you.
Bad choice
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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