Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
