worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
