my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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