He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
