Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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