This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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