she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
not ubering you a puppy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
