Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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