it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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