I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
