Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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