Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.