I faked an abortion last night.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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