We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
