also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
