I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
