Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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