either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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