My boss' voice literally gives me gas
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
