Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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