you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
