Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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