That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
