If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
