I will die if light touches me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
