I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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