I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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