i need an iv and a liver transplant
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
