chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
