Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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