Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
