Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
