i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
