I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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