I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
