he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
