tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
