the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need to stop coming to work sober
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
