i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
