ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
