Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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