To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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