well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
