found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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