yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
