he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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