They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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