ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
