If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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