I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
