She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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