Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
only you would photoshop your dick
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
