I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
