the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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