I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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