somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
