Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
