He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
