Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
