Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
