I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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