Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
