Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
