You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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